Anonymous said: The TV show Sherlock triggers me because the main guy looks identical to one of my rapists. My boyfriend knows this but yesterday when I was at his house, he had the show on anyways. I tried to deal with it, but I couldn't and asked him to turn it off. He replied with "You need to get over it. It's a TV show, not him." It felt like he was being mean, but maybe I'm overreacting? Should I really just get over it?

selfcareafterrape:

penanna:

selfcareafterrape:

selfcareafterrape:

Trauma triggers aren’t something that you can just “get over” and no one, especially not your partner, should demand that from you.

Your boyfriend was being mean. Or at the very least, not at all empathetic or caring. It’s true that people who haven’t experienced trauma often don’t have any concept of what it is like to deal with on a day to day basis, but if  you’ve explained that you want to avoid something, he should respect that.

In general, people who don’t “believe in trigger warnings” and shit like that, use the argument that “exposure helps people process trauma, so having your triggers around isn’t a big deal”. 

Nope. Terrible argument, go directly to trashcan. 

Trained professionals can help patients through exposure therapy, but that’s an intensive and *consensual* process. Knowing your triggers and avoiding them when you want to is healthy and normal. It’s more than reasonable to want your boyfriends house to be a safe place for you, and you’re not overreacting at all. He needs to respect your boundaries. What he said was unacceptable. 

Be kind to yourself (and don’t feel obligated to be kind to him about this),
-Michelle

Comment: The character jesse in breaking bad is EXACTLY likewho raped me. style, mannerisms, use of language… everything is terrifyingly identical. but i pep-talked myself the same way op’s boyfriend did. the character nor the actor are NOT my rapist.

This is something I didn’t address in the original post, and I should have.

I don’t mean to make it sound like triggers are a lifetime sentence to either avoiding something or being terrorized by it.

SCaR’s Masterlist has a lot of good resources for dealing with the immediate aftermath of being triggered, and also longer term emotional self-care

But it is really unfair to call what OP’s boyfriend said a pep-talk. It clearly was said with the intention of getting rid of the inconvenience of his partner’s emotional distress, and directly contradicted their previous conversation’s about the OP’s needs as a survivor. It was flippant and rude and a huge breach of trust.

You’re right, that there are ways we can work to overcome triggers and the lasting vestiges of our trauma. But even in your comment, you say that you made the choice yourself, on your own time. 

The person who asked the question has a right to avoid, process, and overcome their triggers, and the way that worked for you, doesn’t have to be what they choose to do.

I can’t tell if your comment was meant to be supportive, and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it comes across as invalidating and disrespectful of the OP’s autonomy, and I can’t let it slide without some comment.

This blog is not for survivors who invalidate other survivors. (But it totally is for survivors who give well-intended advice and sometimes get misunderstood, I’m still not sure which you are.)
-Michelle

In relation to the OP and response: See I don’t understand people who do this. If you have no triggers, no traumas, you don’t get to dictate how someone manages theirs. A person I previously dated asked me why I got so angry at being triggered, why I couldn’t just tolerate it, why exposure to my triggers wasn’t desensitising me, why did I have tumblr savior. They very quickly got it after I told them - unless they had exactly my triggers from the exact same things, which no-one does - that they had no right to dictate how I manage them or try to recover from them, or even if I try to manage at all, if I completely try to avoid being triggered at all costs, which I do. Ironically the person in question now has triggers of their own, and while I’m not happy that they now have triggers, I’m glad they finally now realise what it’s like to have triggers, and to have people dismiss them.

If you have triggers, people need to respect how you wish to deal with them. If they don’t, then they have no respect for you as a person, and you should either give them a serious stern talking to, or get rid of them.

Bolded for emphasis.
-Michelle

I was like this all through Devil Survivor. Whenever someone’s death clock went up to match ours, I’d say “Yay! Now you can die with us!”

(Source: essu-rwby-desu, via whitemistrose)

4,420 notes


Send me colours and I'll answer your questions!

Yellow: When you get older, where would you want to live?
Tan: Where do you want to be right now?
Lilac: What is your dream vacation?
Beige: What is your favorite dream?
White: Who was your first kiss?
Purple: Who was your last kiss?
Tangerine: Give a description of who you like.
Gray: Share a relationship story.
Green: Share a family story.
Gold: Share a story that makes you smile.
Black: Share something you did embarrassingly.
Blue: Are you still friends with the people you met in elementary school?
Magenta: What is something you barely tell anyone?
Red: What are your hobbies?
Violet: What college do you plan to attend?
Brown: Would you rather have a relationship or friend with benefit? Explain.
Peach: Who is your favorite teacher so far?
Pink: What is the meaning behind your url?
1,513 notes


"The big lie about capitalism is that everyone can be rich. That’s impossible. Capitalism works only if the vast majority of the population are kept poor enough to never quit working, are kept poor enough to accept distasteful jobs society cannot function without. If everyone were a millionaire, who would empty the trash or repair the sewers? It follows that the poorer the general population is made, the greater the worth of the money held by the wealthy, in terms of the lives which may be bought and sold with it."

Michael Rivero  (via lapalomanegra, fucknobigbrother) (via femmewolfprince) (via navigatethestream) (via solidarityforever) (via mommapolitico) (via truth-has-a-liberal-bias) (via kogiopsis) (via yawniambored) (via aliaisqueen) (via caffeinatedriot) (via misandry-mermaid)

13,447 notes


self-love-getsyoufurther:

my name is Jenni, I am 20 years old and living in Berlin

on the 22nd of june I had to flee my apartment because my roommate’s abusive boyfriend attacked both of us. I reported him but he and my roommate denied everything and she still lets her boyfriend live with her.

I am currently living with friends and already have a new flat I can move into on the 1st of august but I am completely out of money. I don’t get money until the 26th of september, until then I have close to nothing.

not only do I have to pay rent and buy food, I also have a cat, Leo.

I just hope some of you might donate a little sum or just reblog this to signal boost. my paypal is jennidoku@web.de

thank you so much

(via robintheshrew)

2,072 notes


genderedboy:

"Why do you want this job?"

Because under capitalism I am forced to sell my labor in order to subsist.

(via myinevitabledeath)

193,834 notes


shehasathree:

kanthia:

raggediestandi:

itsvondell:

off-in-lala-land:

You know, if I was a parent, it would be at this point that I’d rip the game from his hands, stash it in my backpack, and force him to enjoy history goddamnit. This vacation cost a lot and the game is only for the hotel and travel time.

imagine trying to force someone to think that stonehenge is fun

"look kid we’re a ridiculous distance from a bunch of broken rocks how could you possibly be bored this is totally an appropriate vacation spot for someone this age."

Ah, fuck. Shit like this always gets to me, the tired old technophobe spiel and maybe it’s because it’s so rampant in my field (I work in outdoor education), but it just starts feeling so goddamn derivative after a while, nouveau hipsters who think the world is ending because kids play too many video games.
But what we’re missing is that this kid’s parents bought him his SP and a copy of Leaf Green (the employee at the game store said it would be perfect for him) so that he would shut up on the plane ride over and not bother them in the hotel, imagining that as soon as they touched down the kid would put the thing down and appreciate all the castles and grass and cafes and operas and rocks and ~*~culture~*~, because that’s what culture and history are, right? A bunch of old rocks.
What they missed is this kid staying up way past his bedtime the night before their plane flew out on message boards and chat rooms trying to find out which is the best starter, finally settled on a Squirtle and named it Rocky, and right now while his parents are appreciating rocks he and Rocky have got to save the whole world from Team Rocket because he’s a hero and that’s what heroes do and he’s so invested in this story and this world, he thinks he might have found the place where Machops live, why should he care about a guide droning on about Romans and a bunch of old people taking pictures?But please, go ahead and take the Gameboy from him, break it in half and remind him that you spent A LOT on this vacation, and HOW DARE HE. You will FORCE him to ENJOY his GODDAMN VACATION because it’s REAL LIFE. Wonder why he’s so upset, you’re the one who spent money on the thing? All he invested in it was time and emotion, and those things are definitely less important than money, when you’re eight. Wonder why he’s so disconnected from education, when you’ve managed to turn it into a punishment, a deprivation, a source of misery? Go on and repeat the tired old technophobe line until you’re red in the face, share it on Facebook and reblog it on Tumblr and retweet it on Twitter: nobody but you knows how to live ~*~REAL LIFE~*~ because we’re so busy exploring imaginary worlds.
Kids don’t just need to be taught when to use devices, we as their parents and guardians also need to be taught why they use devices. If a kid is more invested in Kanto than Stonehenge, why? How can we change our approach so kids ~*~appreciate real history~*~? And if not, can’t we just accept and appreciate that this kid will go back to the third grade, say “Yeah, I saw Stonehenge, it was neat, but who wants to trade a Haunter for my Machoke?”

the commentary!

shehasathree:

kanthia:

raggediestandi:

itsvondell:

off-in-lala-land:

You know, if I was a parent, it would be at this point that I’d rip the game from his hands, stash it in my backpack, and force him to enjoy history goddamnit. This vacation cost a lot and the game is only for the hotel and travel time.

imagine trying to force someone to think that stonehenge is fun

"look kid we’re a ridiculous distance from a bunch of broken rocks how could you possibly be bored this is totally an appropriate vacation spot for someone this age."

Ah, fuck. Shit like this always gets to me, the tired old technophobe spiel and maybe it’s because it’s so rampant in my field (I work in outdoor education), but it just starts feeling so goddamn derivative after a while, nouveau hipsters who think the world is ending because kids play too many video games.

But what we’re missing is that this kid’s parents bought him his SP and a copy of Leaf Green (the employee at the game store said it would be perfect for him) so that he would shut up on the plane ride over and not bother them in the hotel, imagining that as soon as they touched down the kid would put the thing down and appreciate all the castles and grass and cafes and operas and rocks and ~*~culture~*~, because that’s what culture and history are, right? A bunch of old rocks.

What they missed is this kid staying up way past his bedtime the night before their plane flew out on message boards and chat rooms trying to find out which is the best starter, finally settled on a Squirtle and named it Rocky, and right now while his parents are appreciating rocks he and Rocky have got to save the whole world from Team Rocket because he’s a hero and that’s what heroes do and he’s so invested in this story and this world, he thinks he might have found the place where Machops live, why should he care about a guide droning on about Romans and a bunch of old people taking pictures?

But please, go ahead and take the Gameboy from him, break it in half and remind him that you spent A LOT on this vacation, and HOW DARE HE. You will FORCE him to ENJOY his GODDAMN VACATION because it’s REAL LIFE. Wonder why he’s so upset, you’re the one who spent money on the thing? All he invested in it was time and emotion, and those things are definitely less important than money, when you’re eight. Wonder why he’s so disconnected from education, when you’ve managed to turn it into a punishment, a deprivation, a source of misery? Go on and repeat the tired old technophobe line until you’re red in the face, share it on Facebook and reblog it on Tumblr and retweet it on Twitter: nobody but you knows how to live ~*~REAL LIFE~*~ because we’re so busy exploring imaginary worlds.

Kids don’t just need to be taught when to use devices, we as their parents and guardians also need to be taught why they use devices. If a kid is more invested in Kanto than Stonehenge, why? How can we change our approach so kids ~*~appreciate real history~*~? And if not, can’t we just accept and appreciate that this kid will go back to the third grade, say “Yeah, I saw Stonehenge, it was neat, but who wants to trade a Haunter for my Machoke?”

the commentary!

(Source: plainpictures, via metsaaukio)

123,407 notes


its-awesome-turtle-time:

nonstupidname14:

castleforeverx:

YES.YES.YES. People need to realise this 

This belongs more on Facebook than it does on tumblr.

i think you’re missing out on some of tumblr then… but it should be on facebook too, it should be on every social media site!

(Source: ikantenggelem, via weresquirrel)

49,625 notes


[D] Yes, because anyone who takes the time and effort to create a meme that does nothing but judge and shame people for doing something that doesn’t affect them in the slightest is the first person I would go to for life advice.
[JP] I hope to Grod this is satirical, because if it isn’t, damn.
[Se] I’d personally love to see this person’s reaction to having a 13-or-less-year-old watch Akira, FMA, PSWG, FLCL, PMMM, Death Note, among others.
And to see people reblogging this uncritically makes me sad.

[D] Yes, because anyone who takes the time and effort to create a meme that does nothing but judge and shame people for doing something that doesn’t affect them in the slightest is the first person I would go to for life advice.

[JP] I hope to Grod this is satirical, because if it isn’t, damn.

[Se] I’d personally love to see this person’s reaction to having a 13-or-less-year-old watch Akira, FMA, PSWG, FLCL, PMMM, Death Note, among others.

And to see people reblogging this uncritically makes me sad.

(Source: 4670k, via littledeepseaprincess)

37,978 notes


Happy Heterosexual Awareness Month! Let’s talk about how the cultural conception of Straightness is incredibly toxic.

fandomsandfeminism:

(First of all, yes, Heterosexual Awareness Month is a thing. No one is really sure if it’s a very persistent troll or genuine though.) 

I want to start by saying that in this context, I am not talking simply about heterosexuality and thus ALL heterosexuals, but rather Straightness- the concept of straightness in our larger cultural setting, its pervasiveness in our culture, media, and socialization. It is possible to be heterosexual without emulating Straightness, but it is difficult and must be a deliberate separation.  

In practice, Straightness relies on highly ritualized gender roles (including male predation and female purity). Men are seen as being the seekers of relationships, trying to court and win women. Women are viewed as gatekeepers to their own sexuality, having to stave off unwanted courtship until an acceptable one presents itself. This dynamic is unhealthy and limiting.

 Straightness enforces false binaries and is encoded with cissexism. Straightness can not function if the genders are not rigidly separated. Fluidity and nonbinary status are incompatible with it.

Straightness is coded with expectations of obligatory parenthood (which is both sexist AND ableist). Women who opt out of motherhood or are unable to successfully conceive and bring a child to term are devalued in this system. 

It is entrenched with heterosexism and heteronormativity. It’s seen as more valid and stable than other forms of attraction (bisexuals, for example, are often written off as being REALLY straight but as just having a “gay/lesbian phase.”) and thus is violent towards those other identities. 

As long as straightness is seen as the default, average, and expected mode for all romantic relationships, with anything else seen as a deviation from this norm, it is oppressive. 

We need to uncouple the idea of men who are only attracted to women and women who are only attracted to men with the complicated, corrupt web of expectations that envelopes Straightness. Heterosexuals must reject these expectations and systems which both bind and privilege them, just as those of us who are not heterosexual must continue to deny Straightness as a default, preferable, and the sole natural mode of attraction. 

It is not enough for us to gain acceptance within this system. We must critique and challenge the system as a whole. 

(via fandomsandfeminism)

916 notes